I am fascinated by personality quizzes. Perhaps you've heard of the Enneagram or Myers Briggs. I think it's interesting that in the Myers Briggs personality theory, some people are more oriented toward a relational focus, and others are more oriented toward a task-focus. I tend to be one of those task-focused individuals who can't stop working until the job is done, and who will ignore people for the sake of my to-do list to the detriment of my relationships. The more I have going on, the more I hustle to get it done. I don't stop and I don't relax until the job is done. I've had to at least train myself over the years to stop for food, and I still struggle to drink water when I'm working hard because I
Just Won't Stop.
Maybe you relate, or maybe, on the flip side, you struggle with getting the motivation together to get anything done. There is a spectrum here, and no extreme is healthy for any extended period of time.
Either mentality will make homemaking and ministry to one's family difficult. As I move through the last days of pregnancy, I know that I am especially going to have to shift from the focus on SELF and the focus on TASKS. It's an entirely new phase of life around the corner, one that I have a hunch will push my limits of what I can give.
As I move closer to this overwhelming and special transition, I have been thinking about ways to slow down and no longer be task focused. It required me to quit some of my part-time jobs. I know this is a luxury not everyone has. Sometimes the bills simply won't get paid if you don't work. But with determination, I also believe that there must be something one can do to lighten the load...somehow. If you can't think of a single way to lighten your load here are two basic first steps.
1. Pray
Of course. But pray specifically. Ask God for an open door that could lighten your load and relieve the stress of the hustle. Even one little thing you could do to rest better.
2. Limit Phone Time
I can tell when I am mentally exhausted because I reach for my phone more often. It's an escape tactic because my brain is spinning, and I can't even frame a thought concerning what to do next. So, I scroll. And when I am done, I find myself more tired than I would have been had I simply taken a few minutes to look around me and take some deep breaths. I find myself so much more well-rested when I don't look at my phone. Truly.
I could think of other things, but I think these two are a simple place to start.
Since I was not drinking enough water thanks to my terrible habit of hustling without a rest, I started to struggle periodically with getting light-headed and seeing stars. I would end up dizzy on the ground and almost called an ambulance one time. All because I was trying so hard to keep up with my responsibilities. Finally, in tears I said to my husband, "Joshua, I can't do it anymore. I know we need me to work, but I don't care. I'm not doing it." And he was so relieved! The stress I was putting myself under was affecting him too!
He requested that I do whatever I needed to do to rest and be at peace.
So, finally, I took a deep breath. I stopped going and limited myself to a few basic part-time jobs and made time for him. He got iced tea, a kind smile, and a "how was your day?" when he got home from work, instead of a tornado of a wife frantically rushing from room to room. My blood sugar stabilized, my breathing slowed down during meditation exercises, my sleep improved, and I stopped getting irritable for the most part. My relationship with Joshua improved. Suddenly, our house had a sense of harmony and peace.
All of a sudden, I was not to-do list or task focused. I was relationship focused. Focused on how to care for my family and enjoy these quiet moments before our baby joins our family.
The priorities had shifted. Now, I still naturally am to-do list focused. It's how I've been for so long, but I'm getting better.
Maybe, it's time for you to bring your to-do list to a screeching halt too. Maybe it's time for you to look at the spiritual, relational, or emotional needs of your family. Maybe it's time for you to turn in prayer for your family and begin to evaluate how to care for their hearts instead of for the never-ending schedule. Honestly, I have no idea what that would look like for you, but I do know that it's something worth considering.
I guess what I'm trying to say is -
We as women have a unique calling to not only accomplish tasks, but relationally build up and encourage our people. We are uniquely designed to nurture. We are uniquely designed to make life beautiful. Don't let the hustle culture and the girl-boss mentality take away from that.
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